The "3 Circles" Exercise
Be You. And Be Terrible At It.
Hi, my name is...Well, actually, that’s just it. I have a lot of names. My legal name is Isabella Reedy, but if any of you call me that, then you clearly haven’t been around me in a while. My name here at school is Dreeg. He/him or They/them pronouns, please! My planned name, once I graduate, is Dwyer. There are a few others out there. My family calls me V, or Vapor. I used to go by a lot of different names, 8 in total. Because names are important. Identities are important. And that’s what I’m here to talk about.
Why You Shouldn't Go Home for Thanksgiving
It was the week before Thanksgiving in 2015. We were gathered in the SiriusXM studio in New York City for Judith Regan’s annual Thanksgiving Show. She had invited a group she referred to as some of her “favorite guests” from the year to share thoughts and traditions on gratitude and Thanksgiving. The 20 or so guests took their turn at the table with 5 microphones sharing gratitude, family traditions, favorite wine pairings with turkey, and memories from childhood. When my turn came, the host asked me about the challenges of dealing with family during the holidays. I talked about how to maintain your compassion for struggling family members instead of taking irritating and hurtful questions personally. While this practice can be effective in helping avoid hurt, anger, and conflict, it is not the only way to deal with divisive family members.
Why You SHOULD be Your Child's Friend
Click here to go to this blog on Evoke Therapy's Blog Page.
In this blog, Dr. Reedy challenges the thinking behind the adage that your should be the parent and not the friend to your child. This blog is hosted on evoketherapy.com.
How to Discover the Real Self
It has been awhile since I have felt inspired to write a blog. Usually, a theme emerges from my work and swells until I feel that I need to get something in print. It could come from something I have learned in my own therapy, a breakthrough of sorts. Or it could come from a theme that seems to be repeating itself in my work with my clients or with the therapists I supervise—those groups are the most powerful teachers in my life.
Have a Happy (and Whole) Father's Day
My marriage to my first wife ended in 1996. We had married young, children ourselves really, and after two miscarriages, had two beautiful children, Jacob and Emma. While growing up, I had not consciously anticipated fatherhood, but my wife was eager and I subsequently fell in love with our children. It was not love at first sight, maybe because I never thought of being a father growing up. But as my children grew, my love for them grew too.
What (really) is narcissism? The myth of the over-valued child.
Many people are writing and talking about narcissism these days. What worries me the most is that the rhetoric coming from some psychologists and parent educators is inconsistent with what we know about child development and attachment. The inaccurate conceptualization goes something like this: narcissism comes from parents overvaluing children or putting them on a pedestal. Many point to such practices as handing out participation trophies as examples of how we coddle today’s youth. They blame cultural phenomenon like helicopter parenting, snow-plow parenting, doting parenting, or the inability of parents to hold their children accountable as the reasons that children grow up to be narcissistic. While outwardly these parental behaviors may look like like the child is being overvalued, there is something underneath these interactions that explains the development of a narcissistic personality. To be clear,
Climbing to the Mountain Top: Debunking the Myth of the Therapist Guru.
Socrates taught by asking questions. Therapists have the great privilege of being asked questions every day. A general assumption in society is that therapists possess some wisdom and that wisdom can be imparted to clients for an hourly fee. That assumption is not so much a problem when it is held by the client, but the idea is toxic when held by the therapist. Therapy is something you create together with your client. It is not merely the dissemination of information, facts, or techniques. It is a way of being with a person that makes most of the impact. And if the Socratic method of teaching is to inform us, it is the person asking the questions that is the teacher—the one answering is the student. Perhaps this is why so many therapists report learning so much from their clients.
How a parents' limitations impact children.
Click below to go to this blog on evoketherapy.com.
"How a Parents' Limitations Impact Children."
Destroying our Enemies through Love and Compassion
To destroy an enemy, we must embrace him. We must love and understand him. Whether it is a politician or a mass shooter or someone we think betrays the morals of our higher power, the only way to destroy the enemy is to love her. If hate, ignorance, and judgement are what cause the problem, hate cannot solve it--only love. The balm must be love and education and emanate from an enlightened place that demonstrates an awareness of our own darkness.
